My Journey

Oh the pain, the pain.. till when should I suffer?

But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. –C.S. Lewis

Dear friend,

Thanks so much for your gift. I felt that although we’re several miles apart you’re just right beside me, praying and sharing those nice thoughts of yours.

Been away from social media for sometime as my last chemo had really taken a toll on me. This is my fourth chemo. My oncologist changed the medicine to a much stronger drug. As it is part of the treatment plan. The drug is called Toxeter and I tell you, sometimes I don’t know how I managed it or how I am managing it. It is my 10th day from my chemo and it is still causing so much pain.

The pain radiates through my bones and muscles then affects the rest of my body. I felt more than having labour pains. And when I cough, if I let out about 4 coughs, that’s the amount of pain that radiates back.

Although I thought I was prepared for such a thing, I did not expect this much pain. It is unbearable, I take two 500 mg. of Tylenol round the clock, every four hours. I feel so heavy as I cannot move. Sometimes my daughter would help  me up and down the stairs.

Food intake is also a challenge. My taste buds were the first to go, I couldn’t taste a thing especially something with salt. So it was hard for me to eat I had to resort to small amounts of food just to keep going.

One time I said, “I think I give up.. this is too much for me” because I felt I am in a cage full of pain and I can’t move nor do anything. I felt almost depressed, who can I turn to? I cried out and asked God to help me, help me bear the pain. I cried and cried. I groaned every time the pain came and then asked myself, till when will I suffer?

Then I remembered the song, “It is well with my soul” .. I sang the first verse– when peace like a river attendeth my soul, when sorrow like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast caused me to come, It is well, It is well with my soul.”
And yes, it is well with my soul. “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold”. Psalms 18:2.

I hope you don’t mind me sharing you this, I just felt that you know what I am going through..

Thanks again… by the way I might share this in my blog.. if you don’t mind. Today I am slowly gaining strength, took advantage of the tylenol effect so I had time to do this..

sincerely,

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